would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
