My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
