Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The adults are the big ones right?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
