did you get engaged???
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
