The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
