quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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