yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
