If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My vagina just clenched in fear
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
