You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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