Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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