the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The Olympian is in my bed
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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