she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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