please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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