Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
