True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize