Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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