I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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