'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
