Me too!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
