i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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