my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
