You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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