I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.