please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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