The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
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Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
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I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode