After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
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That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
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I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.