Don't make out with my wife yet
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
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Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
This is sufficient.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
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And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.