if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
