And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Sober January is a disaster.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize