As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
