Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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