oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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