My room smells like vodka and shame
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My feet surprised me
Randomize
