I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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