how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
