The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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