You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
this boner is exhausting
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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