He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
