Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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