Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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