Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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