so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
