Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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