Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
