It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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