I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
