i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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