i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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