i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
