i'm signing you up for texting rehab
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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