I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
