6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
