Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
