Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
