We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
