this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
