I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
