I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
