I swear she didn't look like that last week.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
