He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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