so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
