ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
