mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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