After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
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