You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
