Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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