i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
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That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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