Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
