Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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