pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Are we still banned from the library?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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